Tunes

Eddie. The man speaks to me.

I'm very fortunate in that I get to play 'adult gym class' for a living. The money isn't super great but being able to work part time with cool people and have fun doing it makes up for whatever downside exists. This morning in spin we did some tasty LT/Vo2 work to the playlist below.

Walking in Your Footsteps - The Police
Devil in Me - 22-20s
I'm not Your Man - Doughboys
The Fixer - Pearl Jam
Walk Idiot Walk - The Hives
Where are we Runnin' - Lenny Kravitz
Think I'm in Love - Beck
Let My Love Open the Door - Pete Townshend
12:51 - The Strokes
Low Rider - War
Good Times, Bad Times - Godsmack
Albatross Joe - Cocktail Preachers
This is Your Life - Dust Brothers with Tyler Durdin
Whipping - Pearl Jam
Trouble - Coldplay

Looks like I''l be retiring to the beach again on Friday after finishing at work. It's a good place to spend time and decompress when your head is at the zoo. I finished 'Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde' and have begun 'Lunar Park' by Bret Easton Ellis. He's a very troubled guy but his writing style makes for easy reading. Up next is 'American Psycho.' I may or may not race this weekend. There's a local crit I'm considering that looks like a good opportunity to stretch the legs and lungs a bit with the boys. And I might even do the women's race too.

Apache 40K

This little pig-gay is in the window at an interesting place I ride by most days of the week.

When I asked, they refused to sell him to me.

Is it a good sign when you see windmill farms on the way to a time trial? Hmmmmm.....for those of you who don't venture out past DeKalb very often, there are a lot of windmill farms out there in corn country so it's a pretty safe bet that any time trial you do out that way is gonna be a real windy mother. I was hoping the corn would be sort of 'up' to break things up a bit but a strong WNW kept things interesting the entire 40K out in Paw Paw. Cupcake and I rolled out west after a line of strong thunderstorms passed through on what turned out to be a really hot though very nice sunny (windy) day.

40K time trials are the most challenging for me - I much prefer and do better in 20K and 30Ks. After the debacle that was Champaign, I asked MetLifeGuy WTF I should do to improve my 40K time trialing. His response: do more 40Ks. Thanks for that...though he was exactly right. We don't have many 40K opportunities each season - maybe 4-5 at most - so when one rolls around on the schedule I tend to sit on the fence and get anxious about whether I'll actually do it or not.

The course in Paw Paw is out and back, shaped like the big dipper with some nice rollers on the southernmost stretch and a fair amount of false flat/rolling terrain elsewhere. I felt really strong til the last 10K (no surprise there) and really had to dig to finish well. At about 8K to go I really wanted to just get off my bike and lie down on the side of the road - a good sign that I was riding it the 'right' way. In the end I managed to post my fastest 40K time ever - by a minute - I was very pleased. And yes, it was sub-hour by a substantial amount. Definitely a good day and a good test of fitness as Masters Nationals approaches. I am definitely stronger than I was at this time last season.

I finished 'Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil' and am nearly done with 'The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.' A great piece of classic lit and I'm loving it. Not sure what's up next.

I didn't have a lift to Peoria today so I didn't do the state crit. Sigh. Though opting out may have been a good thing in the long run. Looking at the race calendar I'm planning to do some of Superweek and will be spending a lot of training time on the TT bike. I will not be denied this year.

I am indeed still at the zoo but have settled in here and don't plan to leave for a while - so if you think I'm acting strangely, you're probably correct.

USA Crits Giro d'Grafton

Solo flyer taken at some point when I was feeling good.

I was pretty psyched to head up to Grafton, WI for the USA Crits/Tour of America's Dairyland Giro d'Grafton crit yesterday. Val and I loaded up the truck and hit the road after being able to sleep in! One thing I really like about racing at national caliber events - women P1/2/3 typically race in the afternoon. That's good for me since I normally suck in the morning.

We arrived and were promptly informed that our teammate Stacy had won the W3/4 race earlier in the day - very exciting for our team! There were about 65-70 women lined up for the P1/2/3 event. I'd had a good warm up and was feeling great. I knew that if all went well, I could probably place well. Things were pretty aggressive from the gun with a fair number of primes and point sprints. I even won some USA Crits points. For a while I was away with Kori Seehafer from TT1 but we were reeled in at about the 30min mark of the 60min race. Her teammate countered and managed to stay away, being joined by a Metro-VW rider not long after.

Stacy in the P1/2/3 race. She did a great job and rode smart in a big, strong field.

There were a few bridge attempts and some efforts to reel the break back in but nothing ever got organized enough to make any kind of impact. With about 8 laps to go I had a conversation with a Vera Bradley Foundation rider about chasing things down but they weren't interested and were content to take their chances in a field sprint. At that point my main objective became maintaining position going into the long final sprint. The last turn on the 6-corner course is less than 90 degrees and somewhat off-camber so I knew it was important to be near but not in the front. Things got a bit bunched up coming out of the turn but I didn't panic - I knew that I'd have time and space to make up any ground lost early on.

Val, playing it smart.

As things wound up a hole opened and I went through, straight to the front and moving fast as hell. On the line I was third in the field sprint, fifth overall. I was very pleased with my result - there was a lot of horsepower in the field and a fifth place finish is a strong result. Val had good position in the end but got caught up behind some junk that caused her to roll across 22nd with Stacy a little farther back. In all, a darn fine showing for the Bulldogs! I'm really looking forward to doing more racing with my team - such great girls and excellent racers.

Special thanks to Grafton native John Walker for his fine camera work! Thanks for coming out and cheering for us, John. Always good to see a familiar face in the crowd.

Beyond that, I guess this helps my head get back on track a bit. I'm still at the zoo but at least I'm seeing things that I like. Not sure what the plan is for next weekend. There's a 40K TT and the state championship crit in Peoria. I held the crit title a long time ago and it might be nice to wear the jersey again....

Hearing and Reading

We'll be doing some threshold/hard tempo zigzag stuff in class today. Here's our playlist:

Not an Addict - K's Choice
White Palm - B.R.M.C.
Salvation - The Cranberries
Wong Way - Sublime
Berlin - B.R.M.C.
Burnout - Green Day
Pretty Vegas - INXS
Fire - The Jimi Hendrix Experience
I'm a Believer - Smashmouth
Hang Fire - The Rolling Stones
Beautiful Day - U2
Isn't She Lovely - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
Don't Change - INXS
Awake - B.R.M.C.

We listened to this yesterday:

Slave to Love - Brian Ferry and Roxy Music
Breaking the Girl - Red Hot Chili Peppers
World Wide Suicide - PJ
Demolition Man - The Police
Backwards Down the Number Line - Phish
Forever Yellow Skies - The Cranberries
Mr. Jones - Counting Crows
Sabotage - Beastie Boys
Morning Glory - Oasis
Trouble - Coldplay (yep, my favorite Coldplay tune...)

I finished reading 'The Pacific' by Hugh Ambrose. Wow. Compelling stuff. That's all I can say. I started 'Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil' by John Berendt last night. Very good so far.

Not a whole lot to say. Still in a tentative place. As I like to say, 'fuck it - sometimes you have to go to the zoo.' I'm at the zoo. Don't know when I'm coming back or what I'll be like upon re-entry.

Bong 1.5 30K TT

Jim and Tom after racing but before a shower. They have nice faces, too.

Admittedly I am having a hard time feeling the love for racing right now. Or really much of anything, to be honest. But I guess grinding things out might be a good way to maybe find some sense of structure and normalcy so yesterday I rolled to Kansasville, WI for the Bong and a Half. We had a decent day weather-wise with some wind in a few places and some damp pavement spots but it was otherwise pleasant. Turnout was good with the usual suspects showing up to have some 'fun.'

I had a solid warm up and ended up posting a personal best time for 30K at the Bong by 20sec and first in the Open women's category so I'm pleased. My power file looked solid, too. It was nice to see a bunch of my teammates and other characters of interest at the TT - sorry I didn't bake this time, guys. I'm always good for some brownies or cookies but I just didn't have the motivation.

Up next it looks like Grafton on Saturday with my teammates, Val and Stacy. It's an NRC race that's part of the USA Crits series and I'm looking forward to it. I did Grafton and finished third a couple years back so I'm confident that I can do well with the heavy hitters who show up. I think we'll have a good time and a strong showing.

Til next time, be safe out there....

What a Week and Some Tunes

Don't know that I can articulate exactly how I feel at the moment. Imagine that - I'm stymied! For the most part, I can express myself freely when it comes to unimportant conversation, but the past week has been difficult. Or maybe it's just that this particular diatribe isn't unimportant. Once in a while stuff happens that, to some degree, can tend to dictate the direction of your future. I think that maybe this past week has proven to be the precursor to a shift of things for me.

I'll say it here, right now, that during this past week I have seriously pondered retiring from the bike at the end of this season. I entertained doing that about three years ago then decided that I wanted to get stronger and still had more to accomplish, so I kept going. Of late, too many of my good friends have been seriously injured on their bikes and I'm having a really hard time wanting to continue exposing myself that risk day in and day out. I still love to train hard and race but the environment within which I ride (the city and north shore) has become incredibly dangerous and hostile. I've always said I'd walk away on my terms - when it's no longer fun and I get nothing positive out of it. Racing and riding is still enormously fun and positive for me, which is why I am so conflicted.

To consider eliminating an activity so central to my very existence is deeply difficult. Racing bikes does not pay the bills, support my lifestyle or make me who I am in this world. Nor will it ever determine the quality or size of the impact I have on the existence of others. That said, I'm not sure what I will do with myself if I decide that I'm finished. Go back to running marathons? I don't know if I can do that. Work more? Maybe a little bit but not much - I start to hate if I work too much. Get a life and meet some men? Terrifying. The prospects aren't so great!

Until I have a more clear idea of what I'm going to do, I have fully committed myself to the goal of winning a jersey at Masters Nationals in 2010. Time trial or criterium - I owe it to myself to throw everything I have into making that a reality. I'll re-evaluate at the end of the season and hopefully a bit of clarity will have come to me by that time. The end of the season will be in December, after 'cross ends. Til then, I will work my ass off (or rest) every single day and when the smoke clears, hopefully I will know what I want to do.

Up next is the Bong and a half TT on Sunday and I am ready! I considered the Sherman Park crit on Saturday but decided against it. I think I may head down to Kankakee for Cobb Park next weekend. I won that race many many years ago and would like to maybe try it again, as it might be my last time :)

Thanks so much for reading. To all my friends out there who are recovering, stay positive and be patient. This will pass and things will get better. You are in my thoughts. And to everyone else, be careful out there. You just never know what's around the next corner.

What my ears are hearing, in no particular order or importance. Just put the ipod on shuffle.

Backward Down the Number Line - Phish
Four Sticks - Led Zeppelin
You've Got to Hide Your Love Away - Eddie Vedder
The Step and the Walk - The Duke Spirit
Get on Your Boots - U2 (God that song kicks ass!)
Mr. Brightside - The Killers
If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar
Jerry Was a Racecar Driver - Les Claypool/Primus
Cult of Personality - Living Color
Fade into Me - Mazzy Star
Right Now - Mocean Worker
Cinnamon Girl - Neil Young & Crazy Horse
Can't You Hear Me Knocking - Rolling Stones (might be my favorite 'stones song)
Spring and By Summer Fall - Blonde Redhead

Spring Prairie, WI Road Race

I haven't done a road race, much less raced with women in a really long time so I was actually a little nervous about racing today in Wisconsin's state road race championship. In fact, I hadn't renewed my USAC license til last night - with my women's team, Bouledogue Tout Noir. In my absence from the women's peloton, a bunch of new, strong riders have arrived on the scene and I am unfamiliar with the present dynamic of things. I do know that I am riding well right now so the plan today was to observe and respond appropriately with my teammate Stacy. The course is one that sorts things out on its own so being more reactive as opposed to proactive was a smart strategy.

I've never done this race before so I made sure to take a lap of the 6.5mi course before start time. It's a big rectangle with some rollers and one steepish hill before the start/finish that pretty much determines how things shake out. We had great weather and some stiff cross/headwind between turns 1 and 2. The P1/2/3 field was only 13 and comprised mostly of Wisconsin riders save a few of us so I was content to watch some friendly smackdown til the field shrunk down to 7 by the end of the third lap. Stacy took a great flyer at one point and was away for about a lap - it was well-timed and properly executed. I did a whole lot of sitting while the chase ensued.

There were small attacks here and there but nothing beyond Stacy's hit really went anywhere which set things up for a field sprint. There were times along the way where this 'race' was more like a freakin' goat rodeo...7mph with women wobbling around and nearly falling over. Sheesh. In fact, at one point, I looked around and asked, 'now ladies, do we really want to go...8?' NOTE TO READER: This is why I race with the men. They just don't tolerate this kind of crap. Of course, once we had a tailwind the speed was more like 35mph. Maybe it's just me, but speed fluctuations like that tend to suck the life out of my legs. Must be my inner time trialist begging for steady, strong, pacemaking.

Per some pre-race coaching from Stacy's studly boy, Chris, I exercised restraint when a hard attack went up the hill and got a gap at the end. He told us, 'they'll blow up and you'll reel them back in before the line.' When the attack went I remembered what Chris said and went up the hill steady, anticipating that I could swing around and go by them on the way to the line as they died...only it didn't come back!! Ugh - I ended up third. That sort of sucked because I felt really strong and surely could have finished better. Ah well, live and learn.

Stacy and I had a blast racing together and I'm looking forward to a lot more of that! Val will also be coming out for some road stuff. We're all excited about our new arrangement which will surely lend a bit of fresh aggressiveness to the local and regional scene.

In other news...I want to send my most deeply heartfelt love and support to one of my very best friends in this world who is going through some serious and difficult shit. I just want you to be whole again and am here for you, whatever you need, anytime and always.